Politics has always been my favorite sport. The idea of pitting a few people against each other in a contest with rules that make bare knuckle boxing look tame, just for the idea of some socially granted power is too good to give up. So here we have it, I like sports and I like politics. The problem here is that these two predilections of mine go about as well together as mutual love for raw oysters and grappa. Separate, the two are fine if not indulgent, but were they to meet you would be in for a thoroughly unpleasant morning into afternoon most likely. Ne’er the two shall meet and all that jazz. I’m sure you have a handle on what I’m getting at here. I don’t want politicians fucking around with sports any more than I would want the All-Star team trying to parse through Sen. Jim Webb’s National Criminal Justice Commission Act of 2009. (That’s right I slipped in something I like in a joke…take the bait and look it up.)
So imagine my shock and horror upon opening AM New York trying to find the crossword puzzle and see a small article about Curt Schilling expressing interesting in running for the late Ted Kennedy’s now vacant senate seat. I hate it enough when smug celebrities tout their political philosophies on the evening news as if the world were important just because they happened to read an enlightening blog on the Huffington Post. This however, is far worse. Most actors are at least smart enough to know they would never be able to handle the scrutiny of a political career, and even if their reasons are selfish, rarely if ever run for anything. Yeah, I know Al Franken right? Well, I consider it a solid bet he doesn’t have some young chippie on the side waiting to torpedo his career. Call it a hunch.
To be honest there is a new threat to our fair republic and it rests in the ambitions of a sanctimonious fool like Curt Schilling. I’ve always been astounded how easily people become convinced of their own greatness when enough idiots encourage them. This is certainly the case with the enduring popularity of Rep. Michelle Bachman and vocal private citizen Sarah Palin, and here we have Curt Schilling, lauded for his ability to throw a ball and love Jesus, assuming he has what it takes to become a statesman. I’m sure Schilling has some opinions about things, but there is more to legislature than a recognizable face and what will surely be a weak enough mind to be manipulated by the Kool-Aid of an increasingly desperate Republican party. Failing in polls and elections, only puffing their chests with the recent emergence of angry rednecks shouting about communism, the Grand Old Party has become a shell of what it was. If you had any questions about that, notice the lack of stupefaction that Schilling considers himself important and knowledgeable enough to tackle some of the most far-reaching crises our nation has ever faced.
Honesty, considering we are carrying on a few wars, scattering troops around the globe as far as the DMZ in Korea, where they have been for 60 years or so now (technically, the Korean war never ended, only an armistice agreement was signed.) trying to reign in the egos and power of the few millionaires that loom over Wall Street and pass healthcare, employment and national security legislation. Is this the kind of thing that we want in the hands of Curt Schilling? Is he aware that a bloody sock on the Senate floor will get him no kudos? Has he simply taken the political pundits that use too many baseball metaphors literally assuming that his skills would help him out? I don’t think it’s any of these things, to be honest. The only reason I can think of is that a combination of arrogance and that typical evangelical bent of spreading “the word” through politics is not only acceptable, but a moral imperative.
Not even counting the zombie-like praise this man receives from the huddled masses that love the Red Sox, there should be more of a backlash regarding this moronic announcement. Massachusetts would be giving up a storied political history for the political equivalent of a novelty gag gift from your local sex shop. There are certainly valid criticisms of all three Kennedy brothers, but it would be a downright insult to have a man that is little more than a performing ape follow them into the halls of power. Aside from what must seem like a tirade against athletes in politics, I will now try and find even the smallest morsel of qualification to justify this move. To start, his last career really doesn’t apply. He can stretch the American hominess of baseball turning himself into an extended metaphor worthy of Wordsworth, but that will really only go so far. He did appear in front of the Senate once talking about steroids, but think about that. Plenty of people have testified before the Senate, and there are few I would want on the other side of that desk. On top of this, he was certainly less than forthcoming with information and spent the majority of his time complaining about the possible steroid abuse of others. All this kind of action does is show that he has the Republican will to trash anyone around for his own personal gain. I think it took Grassley years to become this much of a pompous windbag, but Schilling is a quick study in the worst way. We need Senators that are willing to work and much of Schilling’s tempestuous career shows that he is less than a team player. This is not the type of man that we need, no matter how badass some half-drunk Bostonian thinks it is.
Now, the barometer of the north-eastern elite: schooling. Schilling almost graduated from Yavapai College, an Arizona Community College known for athletics and little known beyond that. Honestly this seems like the kind of place where one could major in baseball. I mean who knows, perhaps I’m wrong, he might have even taken both of the Poli-Sci classes offered per semester. I’m sure knowledge of the Arizona State Constitution will come in handy as a Senator from Massachusetts. Oh yeah he’s also a Born-Again. Some people consider this a qualification, but I certainly do not. If anything it makes him an unrealistic Republican goose-stepper angling to use his fame to secure a position of imposing a twisted moral doctrine on his constituents while they are starry eyed waiting to tell a New Yorker that “Jeter ain’t a senator!” as if it were some kind of barb. There is also the subject of his past campaigning to contend with. Schilling was a very vocal supporter of both George W. Bush and Sen. John McCain. While this is notable within the GOP structure, I feel that it makes him seem like a bit of a stooge. They are taking a marquee name used to promote two candidates both unsuccessful in their own ways and trying to pass him off as the real deal. I have no problem stating that this is a manipulative move on behalf of the Republicans to use a malleable, but recognizable and beloved sports hero to try and wedge their way into a Senate seat that is so liberal the chair itself prefers to work out it’s own gender identification. They are angling Schilling to move forward and take this seat as PR move. All they want to do is have a chance to show a resurgence by taking the spot from the Democrats. Mark Starr wrote in Newsweek that there is a good chance of him winning due to his fame in the area and the way he has managed to wedge his way into the public mentality of the state. The problem is that we as a nation shouldn’t be voting on pop culture. Curt Schilling winning an election of this level of importance would manage to put Idiocracy on par with Brave New World as a prescient dystopian work of art.
The essential point that I am making here is that if we allow this to happen we are opening the doors for more celebrities and athletes to taint our entire political system and turn it into even more of a joke than it is. We shouldn’t allow this to happen and people should push back forcefully at this presumption. Politics is a game, but unlike baseball it is a game with serious consequences. Schilling should know this, and if he were a man that not only understood but respected politics he wouldn’t be trying to start some disingenuous Horatio Algier story of hard work and bootstrap success. If he wants to do that, he should go talk to baseball teams at schools or something. Our fate should not be in his hands, no matter how many pressure games he has been in this does not qualify him for a senate seat. Schilling’s attempt at political kabuki theatre makes him into just another Sarah Palin, plucked from the ether eager and ready to be manipulated by a group of good old boys. The only difference is that Sarah Palin is easier on the eyes. Both are undereducated and assume that they can govern from a position of commonality, which makes them little more than the government version of a show dog. Leave politics to the politicians, and if we have to dip into the athlete pool, we can do better than this. I hear Mike Mussina does the Times Crossword daily. That’s a start.
Tags: baseball, curt schilling, government, massachusetts, MLB, politics, united states senate
