I’m a reality TV buff (read: huge loser) and I’m also a sports fan. When I heard Terrell Owens had a show on VH1, I knew that I had to watch it. So I did. I’m not really sure how to feel about it yet. One thing that’s certain: the format is confused. It’s part docu-reality, part Cribs, part Rock of Love, and mostly inane. The T.O. Show has potential but the first episode was less-than-entertaining.
T.O. was actually unaware that he was going to get released by the Cowboys when they started filming. When I read that, I thought that the show had a lot of potential. However, they turned a somewhat compelling situation into a cartoon. Terrell’s two publicists (Monique and Kita) are pretty much the other main character (yes, that’s singular) and they are extremely annoying. I feel like I’m going to hate them more with each episode. Unfortunately, they drive the show. Throughout the episode, they manage to set T.O.’s agenda with a series of “suggestive commands” to which he always complies. For the show to succeed, we’re going to have to care about those two. I’m not so sure that’s going to happen.
The original goal of the T.O. Show was to show the side of Terrell that we DIDN’T know. Instead, it seems as if the producers have managed to fabricate aspects of his life. We’re told we get INSIDE ACCESS into 81’s life, but that’s definitely not the case. At the beginning of the episode, T.O. signs a one year contract with the Buffalo Bills and they just gloss over it. There’s no discussion of his decision-making process or details and it’s arguably the most important development in the episode. At no point are we introduced to Drew Rosenhaus, Terrell’s agent. Though, I’m not sure the world needs more of that guy. The point is: Terrell Owens has chosen to highlight certain parts of his life that reveal very little up to this point. Below you can read my blow-by-blow of the episode and my final thoughts.
T.O. is wearing a form-fitting v-neck orange sweater that’s about a size too small in the introduction. So that’s a hilarious way to start the show.
This is not a "Clinton Portis character"
The episode starts with T.O. being told that he’s cut by the Cowboys. His publicists, Monique and Kita, head to Miami to “support him” because “the plan is working on the man and not the football player”.
We’re then told by T.O. that the other huge guy at his place is Pablo, his bodyguard. Pablo “hangs out with him” and is the “brother he’s never had”.
T.O. analyzes the conversation that he had with Jerry Jones using a sharpie on a bed sheet. Seriously. He also seems to have adopted an extreme, T.I.-style southern drawl. Throughout the episode he says things like “hee-yuh” instead of here, “day-yuh” instead of there, and “bay-yuh” instead of bear. I know he’s from Alabama, but I’m pretty sure it’s bogus.
His publicists arrive and speculate that he has been crying. The publicists then suggest moving to LA. Later that night, he goes out on South Beach saying he felt “more like a celebrity than a football player.” They just show video of him walking around Ocean Drive and don’t show him at any clubs or bars. Boring.
T.O. agrees to move to LA. Upon arriving at the airport, his baggage is lost. Thanks for wasting two minutes of my life with that useless scene.
Later, Terrell is shown an LA home by an attractive Asian real estate agent. He proceeds to hit on her mercilessly. The longer she’s on-screen, the more I wonder why she signed the release form.
Shortly thereafter, T.O. is driving “his Bentley” around LA when Pablo farts in the car and the publicists give him a hard time. I love the way they pretend that he owns the car (he’s driving) when that’s definitely not the case. He flew from Miami to LA and there’s no way he shipped his cars to the west coast. The Bentley GT CVT costs $2500/day to rent.
Then T.O. & Co. go to Rodeo Drive and he blows six figures in a jewelry store. He starts to explain his relationship with Pablo but doesn’t do a very good job.
Later that night, they go to the club. T.O. hits on two more girls while there. I’m not so sure this scene was 100% real. The sound was wayyyy too good in the club and everybody signed releases (nobody’s face is blurred). Ever seen the scumbags on the Real World pick up chicks? The “closing of the deal” is usually exchange along the lines of:
- HEY! I HAVE A CAMERA BEHIND ME!
- I KNOW! THAT’S TOTALLY AWESOME! YOUR SEMI-FAME MAKES ME WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU!
- SWEET! DO YOU WANT TO GO BACK TO THE REAL WORLD HOUSE AND APPROACH LETHAL LEVELS OF INTOXICATION?
- TOTALLY! THEN I CAN BE FOREVER SHAMED BY A NIGHT VISION CAMERA!
T.O. was actually able to use an inside voice when he skeezed on some women. Then Pablo rounds up all the girls at the club and brings them back to TO’s rented mansion. It’s pretty much a scene out of Bromance. His publicists immediately get pissed and want the party to be over due to the excessive number of hoochie mamas.
The next morning, Mo and Kita decide the next morning that T.O. needs to focus. They said that he needs NO DISTRACTIONS. That’s a novel idea considering they’re the ones that brought him to Los Angeles with NOTHING TO DO.
They go to T.O.’s house and find him getting dressed (T.O. SHIRTLESS COUNT = 1). They tell him not to go out. So he claims he’s not going anywhere and they say they’re going to stay on top of him.
But T.O. is a rascal and had a plan all along. Later that night, Jules the Asian realtor comes back over. She speaks in a way that screams “I’m not that smart — but I pretend to be”.
Hilariously, she actually says grace before they have dinner by the pool. Then she promptly asks to get into the hot tub (T.O. SHIRTLESS COUNT = 2) and says that she’s not going to leave that night. She’s a classy gal. They start to make out because T.O. is certainly not gay. Aaaaaaaaaaand END SCENE.
The next morning, T.O. starts working out in his pool (T.O. SHIRTLESS COUNT = 3). The publicists show up and then insist that he call his ex-fiance because she lives in LA. They also demand that he do it on speaker phone. He gets her voicemail at first but she immediately calls him back and they arrange to meet that night.
He then visits his ex, Felisha, and they’re friendly but awkward. He brings flowers and has the body language of a thirteen year-old around her. The scene is pretty much pointless since they talk about very little.
After the show ends, they preview scenes from upcoming episodes including: T.O. with Jessica White (I think), former University of Florida volleyball player and model Kari Klinkenborg presumably breaking up with Terrell, T.O. meeting his estranged father, T.O. visiting his alzheimer’s-afflicated grandmother, Mo dating some dude, and Kita talking about meeting her mother.
What did we learn about 81? He doesn’t like to wear shirts. Terrell Owens has no friends (they’re all on payroll). He likes to demonstrate that he is heterosexual. I can’t help but feel like this show is mostly staged. It’s not a dating show yet we’ve seen T.O. score a date, dance with girls at the club, bring back drunk hoes from the club for a house party, and a hot tub date with Jules. Up to this point, T.O. has had an extremely private personal life. But now, we get an in-your-face view of his conquests.
By the end of the episode, you’ve forgotten why he’s in LA in the first place. Oh yeah, his “post-football career”. Except, all he did was rent a house, go shopping, and hit on women rather than engage in any business-related activities.
I’ll be watching next week and plan on recapping that episode as well. My guess is that it will focus on T.O. actually starting some non-football career in California or looking at houses (and actually buying one this time) in Buffalo. The series definitely still has potential. However, they’ve missed the mark after an extremely superficial premiere episode. Right now, all we’ve learned is that T.O. is a high maintenance man-child.
Tags: felish terrell, jessica white, kara klinkenborg, reality television, terrell owens, the t.o. show, vh1
