I found this clip via Awful Announcing and it first appeared on TheMikeFrancesa. I watch Francesa on a near-daily basis, so I’m familiar with his attempts to feign knowledge on a wide range of subjects. He does this so often that there is an entire fake list of his areas of expertise (excerpted below the video). As many of you may know, Francesa doesn’t know a thing about technology. He used to sit in the studio with the newspaper — you know, the one printed on actual paper — in front of him before his recent switch to leaving ESPN.com up at all times.
Predictably, Francesa had to get his two cents in on the Erin Andrews incident and then it took a turn for the worst. He starts to talk about the circumstances surrounding the posting of the video… and then gets stuck in a quagmire. I’m convinced that Francesa still considers the Internet some kind of “black magic”. It’s obvious that Francesa has little knowledge of computers other than visiting ESPN.com and browsing softcore pornography. These lines are classic: “I’m not smart enough about computers to… A) how you… bring a piece of video to da Internet. I don’t know what you do to put it on da Internet. I don’t know how you do dat.” What’s part B, Mike?!? The video is after the jump (the good stuff starts a bit before the minute mark) followed by Mike Francesa’s faux resume.
MIKE FRANCESA’S RESUME
This list makes me laugh uncontrollably every time I read it.
Via TheMikeFrancesa:
Papah Boy
Baseball playah
Cabaner Boy
Radio Host
Football Coach
Doctah
Hitting Coach
Pitching Coach
Football GM
Baseball GM
Horse Racing expaht
Political Pundit
Movie Critic
Lawyah
NTSB investigator
Neilsen ratings analyst
General (this is wah!!! “As long as I’m sitting heah, you’ll nevah catch me.”)
Book promotah
Media critic
Fashion critic
Chicken franchezzzt expah (I nevah have the veal, I always get the chicken!!)
Pajamer salesman
TV Commercial actah
Horse breeder/ownah
Sports betting handicappah
Play by play critic
Play by play man (live on a radio show that doesn’t have permission to do play by play)
Producah (3 numbah 1 shows!!!!)
Pope
Food critic
Diet/nutrition/exercise expert (“I’ve lost 50 pounds.” “I’m down to 250 now”)
Child Psychologist (“Mike, what do I tell my kids???”)
Baseball Historian
Hall of Fame votah (“I’m a hard markah”)
Presidential Historian
Physic
Sports Insider (He knows everyone and every whisper that happens)
Weatha Man
Altah Boy
Detective
Hotel Critic (4+ stahs only)
Interviewer
Interview Critic
Radio Engineer (“Jim you’re on the air, Jim. I can hear you on the air, Jim.” “M-fer” “that didn’t get on the air!”)
College Basketball expert
Yankee and Met Ticket broker intermediary
Nanny?? (“I don’t mind changin’ diapahs. It’s a labor of love”)
Head of Mickey Mantle fan club
Head of Bernie Williams fan club
TV News Castah
Golf Expert
Manicurist
Pedicurist
Acoustics Expuht
Health Teachah
Reproductive Specialist
DiMaggio Family Expaht
Surfah
Grief Counselor
CSI
Advanced Baseball Scout
